Hiyaz,

It's me. Finally got on here. Lot of friends from school are here, figured I'd better jump on the boat sooner or later, and since I'm positivly bored out of my skull here at my grandparent's in GA, why not? Yeah. So... nothing to say. I've been shopping in Augusta for the past two days, driving a little here and there since I just got my permit this past monday. No one's dead yet and I've stayed in my lane, what more can you ask for? My little cousin who lives down here has a T-ball game tonight that we're probably going to go to for a bit. Maybe they'll let me drive. Otherwise, doing absolutly nothing. It is nice to sleep in though, but my schedule has been so hectic for so long, now that I have nothing I absolutly have to do during the day it's driving me insane. I don't know how to deal with downtime. Gosh, how messed up is that? Well, now this is boring me, so I guess I'd better find something else to do before I start drooling or falling alseep again. lol. Need to go running today though, so maybe I'll do that. Anywayz, catch you around later.

Hey all. As most of you know, I've got to choose which school I'm going to next year. MPA, or SCGSAH. The problem? I have to make my final decision by tomorrow morning. It's really killing me. Guys, I have no idea what to do, what's best, or anything... I just wish I could erase all of this and forget anything was ever maybe even going to happen. I know that the SCGSAH is this great opportunity, and it's such an honor that I got in at all, much less that they requested for me to come, but... I'd miss all of you at MPA so much. Last time I switched schools it nearly killed me. I'm so worried it's going to happen again. I don't know if I can handle all of this. I'm really not good at making even little decisions, and now this is all weighing heavily on me. I'd really like to go back to MPA, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do. I mean, all the music stuff the other school has is great for me, but what will I do with it? The most I'd do with music in college is a minor, and is it worth all of this? And what is all of that, if I'm miserable? Then I keep thinking that I have no way to know if I will be miserable or not and I just... ugh. I know you guys can't make my decision for me (trust me, I wish you could), but any advice is greatly needed and appreciated. I'd love to just try out SCGSAH and if it doesn't work, come back, but nothing will be the same, and my parents said I'd have to be dorm instead of village since they're going to make me commit basically to a year if I go at all. And if I come back, no offense to you Juniors (scratch that, you're Seniors now!!! 06!!! Whoop, whoop! lol), I love you all, but I'd want to be a Junior instead of a Senior. I belong to 07, that's where my heart honestly is. Yeah, I'd have to have a really easy Junior year, ('cept KM wants me to take precal with her, ha ha.) but I'd still be there and a part of everything and... I've never really wanted to be on the accelarated program at all, but I kind of stuck my foot in my mouth and couldn't get out of it, and now everything's just so complicated... gosh. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Guess I'd better go, but I'm really struggling guys. Please pray for me.

I'M STAYING AT MPA!!!!!!

RIGHT NOW I DO NOT REGRET MY DECISION AT ALL. THE CONTRARY, I FEEL LIKE THIS HUGE, GIGANTIC WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED FROM MY SHOULDERS. IT IS UNBELIEVABLE. I CANNOT SAY I'M CERTAIN IT'S BEST IN THE LONG RUN, BUT I HAVE VERY GOOD REASONS FOR MY DECISION, AND TRUST ME, I'VE SPENT SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS AND BEATING MYSELF UP OVER IT THAT I'M BEGINNING TO QUESTION IF IT WAS WORTH IT. I WILL BE GETTING OFF THE ACCELARATED PROGRAM TOO, HALELUJAH!!! CLASS OF 07, I'M BACK AT YA!! BUT I SEND LOVE AND HUGS TO CLASS OF 06 TOO! YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME, AND I WILL PROBABLY BE TAKING SPANISH 2 WITH YOU ALL NEXT YEAR. (UM... NICHOLE, UH OH! LOL. AND LET'S NOT FORGET JENNY TOO! HEH HEH.) SO YES, THAT IS MY UPDATE AT THE MOMENT. I AM ALMOST ESTATIC, EXCEPT I'M SO EXAUSTED FROM LACK OF SLEEP OVER THIS AND MY FIRST, BORING, 4-HR DRIVER'S ED CLASS TODAY. LOL. SO I AM GOING TO SLEEP, HOPEFULLY FITFULLY AS WELL, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN DAYS, IF NOT WEEKS. HUGS AND LOVE TO ALL!!!!!

Hey all. Just a kind of quick note. I have this friend, 2 actually, you don't know them, but they're going through a really hard time right now (they don't know each other either, but they both know me, hee hee) and I'd just really appreciate you're prayers. There names are Ya-Ya (don't ask) and Ann. Thax a lot. Oh, and I was up late last night writing a poem. I don't know how good it is, but thought I'd put it up here anyways. And I'm very passionate about this subject (you all know me and kids, lol, I love them all so much!), so I apologize for the bit of language. heh heh. Warning, it's a little long. sry. ;-P

ABUSE

Three foot two, a baby girl clutching the door frame

Head peaking over with angel blond curls, eyes full of fear

Guess what now, it’s true, no escape, Daddy’s home dear.

Tiptoeing across the floor, holding the bottle

Pouring out what’s left, middle of the night

Little boy stopping to tuck mommy in tight

Waking up in the morning, laying on the floor

Head aching, wiping the dried blood off her lips,

Wanting to get to school before another hit

Brother opening up the door, hearing Mommy’s screams

Rushing in to protect sister, trying to keep the money snug

They need it to survive; Mommy just needs it for drugs

Staying home alone again, mustn’t let the neighbors know

Uncle coming by to “check” on her, going to her bed for a lie

Being caught against her will again, not allowing herself to cry

Hey, you! Yes, you! I’m talking to you! Don’t walk away from me.

I’m tired of this shit. Forget all the fuckin’ rhyming in this “poem”

I’m going free verse now, and you’d better listen.

Stop looking around like you have no idea!
I’m talking to you! I’m fuckin’ talking to you!

You read the magazines, you know all the stories.

Even if you haven’t heard them all, you know

Every one is so damn similar; it’s the same thing everywhere.

Yes, I said everywhere! Are you even trying to listen to me?

It happens everywhere! Not just other countries!
Not just other states, other cities, even other neighborhoods!

It’s all around you, and you’re not doing a thing!

Any one of those kids you see around you every day could be abuse victims.

The shy little boy in school with dirty clothes, the vibrant teenage girl on top of fashion

The baby girl that never cries, the 12-year-old boy who always kicks ass in baseball

Intelligent, dumb, pretty, ugly, social, nonsocial, short, tall, talented/gifted, average

There is no feature that will let the child go overlooked, not even rich or poor

It is abundant, malicious, and unselective of its victims. They don’t have a choice.

But you do, you do, you could help and you’re not doing anything about it.

Righteous hate fills me at the thought of someone hurting any precious child

I was sitting outside with my great-grandmother over the weekend

When two little girls rushed across the street on their bikes, and we waved

After a few minutes, they came up to us, smaller one first, looking down at her shoes.

I said hi, told her to sit, and she barely glanced up, everyone knows I’m great with kids

But I had to look directly into her eyes and give her my very best smile

Before she ever said or did anything at all, except to breathe.

She perked right up after that, I couldn’t get her to stop talking

Once the older sister realized it was okay, she came over too.

I played with them for over 3 hrs that day. They lived only two houses down.

Their mother had told them that the earliest they could be back home was after 9 pm

Their names are Amber and Brittany. They are eight and six, shoved out of the house.

All they needed was a little attention. All they wanted was someone to show they cared.

They came back the next day, and their little black eyes were pleading with me.

Once again sheepish as they gave me a flower and a plastic necklace, not looking at me

As if I had changed during the night, and it was something they couldn’t bear

My great-grandmother had complained to me since yesterday about them

How their mother was fat, a slob, just disgusting and worthless, never did anything

How their father had hair all down his back, road a motorcycle and probably drank

How the kids were always running around the neighborhood alone all day

How they were always disruptive in church, and the last she had heard, had lice

I wanted to tell her that at least they were coming to church, but she was on a roll

How they were never going to amount to anything, how I shouldn’t be around them

I was so angry at her. She didn’t even know them, and she was trashing them

Eight and six years old! For God’s sake, sounds like they have to take care of themselves!

I decided to play with them, to try to give them the attention, the love they deserve

To hell with lice and everything else, I gave them piggyback rides and ice cream

I walked around town with them, or tried to play with them in the yard

Anything I could do was better than having them out in the streets

I have no way of knowing if they are victims, if they are trapped in a living nightmare

I may never see them again, and they may not remember me

But just the fact that I tried, it has to mean something, somewhere, to someone

I’d like to kill anyone who even thinks about hurting any of the hundred kids I know

It could be any one of those kids out there. We have to do something, at least have to try.

You, yes you. I’m talking to you. I’m talking to everyone.

From the kid to the teenage to the young adult to the adult to the elderly,

We CANNOT be silent when those kids are being robbed of their innocence each minute!

The victims could be counting on us, or it could hit us next, & we wouldn’t even know it

If we don’t take the time to pay attention, to care, it could be too late

We read all the magazines, we hear all the stories

We have assumptions in the back of our head, twangs in our heart

But we don’t do anything, we say “It’s not our place or job, and they’re not our kids.”

We make up all these excuses, but these kids don’t make this choice to be abused

They can’t help it, and most can’t get themselves out even if they try

Did you know that child abuse/neglect kills millions if not billions of kids each year?
Did you know that child abuse is still the #1 leading cause of psychological damage?

If we know all of this, than why aren’t we talking? Why won’t people stop hurting them?

Why aren’t we trying to help in some way? Why don’t we do something about it?

STOP BEING SILENT WHEN THEY NEED US!

Hey all,

Well, I had a great time at campmeeting, I hope all of u did too. I had my first official day of work today, fun fun. Had to get up real early and didn't get back until late (it would've been way later if I'd stayed for the teen hang out, though I am sry to have missed it), and then I had to leave work, go to orchestra (which took so much out of me, it was harder than work!!! Sheesh!), and rush back to work to fix Mum supper, and didn't get out or get home until later than I was supposed to b/c of things with Mum. For those of u who don't know, she's the Altiemerz (sp?) lady I'm babysitting this summer, she's from London, that's why we call her Mum, and she's absolutly hilarious. She keeps saying things like, "I'm off to the loo" "I'll just go get me drink" "Ooo, that's just lovey _____ (whatever English pet name she decides to call me)" etc. And telling me how much she loves housework (she certainly keeps herself busy! It's sometimes hard to keep track of her! lol), making Chewie (one of the dogs) lick her face, and telling me the same story over and over (I think I heard it a total of 4x, and it was just my first day! lol). So, it's been exciting to say the least. I am absolutly pooped, so I think I'm gonna head off to bed now. Hope everyone has had a good day, hugs to all. Oh, and they have this little pond (I mean little) in their backyard, it has 4 huge goldfish in it, and they literally eat right off ur fingers! It's so frickin' coolio awesome!!! lol. I think that was one of my fave parts. I'm going to have them fat by the end of the summer! (is that possible for goldfish? lol) Anywho, tt ya'll l. Buh-Byez!!!

Hi ya'll. Thought I'd update just a bit. Yeah, so I worked Sun, Tue, Wed, and on all of those days cept Wed I had an orchestra rehersal, both horendously long, but obviously I lived. lol. Then on Thursday we had our last concert of the season. It was supposed to be out Lakeside concert (there's an amplitheater that was just put in this year around the lake at Furman), but wouldn't you know it, it rained (we've had storms every night down here this week, guess summer's arrived, huh?), so we had to move it inside. It was a pretty good concert, the music choices could've been worse, but it was also sad since some of my friends are seniors (Nikki and Laurie, they're twins, along with others that does not include H, lol), and this was their last concert with the orchestra, unless they come next year to the special alumni concert around Dec. in honor of CYS's 50th year. Whoopie!lol. So yeah, the grandparents and even a cousin of mine, Britany, made an appearance, so it wasn't too bad. Then this afternoon (about to be yesterday afternoon since it's 2 minutes till 12), H promised me like, a week ago, that he'd take me to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith when it came out today, and of course, he didn't/wouldn't. I don't know why I really expected him too. I was a little upset, but I finally convinced my dad to take me around 2ish, so I'm okay now. But I swear, next time he makes some complaint that I never hang out with him, I'm gonna remind him of this and the fact that I tried and he refused. Anywho, it was an absolutly great movie, I recommend you all to go. It will hold your attention for the whole 2 hrs and will have you laughing almost constantly too. I guarentee you will come out of the theater smiling or something. lol. It's the best movie I've seen since Elektra/DareDevil a month or so ago, though I still think Elektra was better, lol. But otherwise, nothing new. Got some church gig thing I've gotta attend against my will tomorrow (err, today?). My church got a new pastor about a month or so ago, maybe a little longer, and the whole church is supposed to go to his house for a potluck lunch thingy. I really don't want to go, b/c I'm never at that church anymore, I don't care who this guy is, I really liked our old pastor, and I'm almost positive none of my church friends will be there, so I just know I'm going to be positivly bored out of my skull. Girls, some phone calls might be coming ur way tomorrow/today! lol. Oh, but wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Guess what? My grandpa (my mom's dad) has been staying with us all week, he's leaving tomorrow for Figi where he'll be for 2 months (yea, he's gonna be a doctor at the same place MPA went 2 yrs ago and Shanendoah went this year). But on Wed, he got a new little puppie! His name is Houston. He's a fluffy white, absolutly adorable, 5 pound maltese furball. I am totally captivated by him. Since we'll be keeping him almost constantly while my granpa works (even after he gets back from Figi), I'm trying to convince Dad to let me keep him at the trailer with me when I have to go back to school. He is such a cutie pie guys, I'll put a pic up here so u can see him as soon as I can. One last note, tonight (grr, last night! Or really, just a few minutes ago) I got to talk on the phone to Lindsey! It's been forever since we've actually talked. Since April actually. I mean, we've e-mailed yea, but actually hearing their voice makes a big difference. Most of you know this already, but I'm just going to clarrify, Lindsey is like a big sister/mentor to me, she's 23, we've known each other for a couple years. She watches out for me a lot, lol. So not talking to her has been hard, but I'm really glad we got to. I told her about stuff with school (like that huge decision), orchestra, job, etc. It was just nice. About the highlight of my day other than the movie. I hadn't realized I'd missed talking to her that much until she called! Anyone else feel like that some times? You know you miss the person, but you don't realize exactly how much until the next time you talk? Well yea, that's how it felt. Anyway, so I'm absolutly exausted now, and I'm gonna head off to be. Hope everyone's doing good. I'll ttyl.

Hey all,

Quick update. It's been a pretty good day. Ended up staying over at my friend Tiffany's house last night, we watch some movies and talked... that was about all, I don't think sleep was involved much at all... lol. Then later that morning we went to the church's yard sale. (Absolutly boring, and I was positively STARVING since I hadn't eaten since like, breakfast the previous day [don't ask, it was NOT by choice, I can assure u]) But some good did come out of it. This couple that I've known for a few years had a little baby girl almost 3 months ago, her name is London. And well, I got to hold her for like, a little over 2 hrs so her mom could get a massage and eat lunch. It was harder then it sounds b/c London was hungry (I knew the feeling... lol) and these 2 other kids (8 and 6) kept trying to mess with her/hold her or play with her or something while I was trying to keep her calm. But I did get her to sleep for a while, and then back to sleep when the girls woke her up. Oh, she is so adorable, and actually not that heavy, though my arms were like, useless after those 2 hrs. It was so worth it though. She is the sweetest and cutest little baby I have seen in forever.. (No fear Nichole, Aubrey is totally the sweetest and cutest older little baby I think I've ever seen, I just love her giggle!) Oh, let me tell you, I was in baby heaven. I just love her already. I WANT KIDS!!!!! lol. Not going to happen unless I adopt though, *sigh* Other than that I didn't really do anything but watch some more Alias DVDs once I got home (1st season, I'm so behind! I didn't get in until this year with the 4th season, so I'm trying to catch up), order 2 DVDs from Amazon.com (can't wait till they come in!), and play with Houston/give him a bath b/c he went romping through the wet grass. Oh, u should've seen him! It was so cute, he was being all silly and jumpy. Yeah, so now that I've blabbered on for awhile, guess I'll go to bed. Wish me luck! I'm going to this woman's house tomorrow (er.. today?) to spend some time with her and her kids (3 and 1, Matthew and Sarah) to see about a babysitting job. I'm really hopeing it'll all work out. Anywho, ttyl. Love ya'll.

Guess what? I'm leaving for Cohutta Springs Youth Camp tomorrow, ergh, today!!!! (after 12, lol) I am so excited. I just cannot sit still or even hope to get to sleep. I have been waiting for this all year, since the moment I left last summer, and now this eve is finally upon me! lol. Sadly, I'm only going a week because of my other 2 jobs (I went a literal month straight last year), but I know I'll make the best of it. I'm going to be a counselor-in-training for a cabin full (#12-15) of 7-9 yr olds for a whole week! Fun, fun, right? OMG! I cannot contain my excitement! I did this my 1st week last year and it was such an amazing experience. The kids are really great. and there's always so much to do and so much going on. Oh, it's great. I really need a change of pace already, and it's only a few weeks into the summer! I don't know how I'm going to last until school. My family has been driving me bonkers since H's graduation! lol. I just hope that God will use me this week to do His will. These kids are so young, they are like giant sponges! They soak up everything. You know, I got thinking about it, and statistics say that the chance of an adult accepting Christ for the 1st time is about 3%, the chance of a teenager accepting Christ for the 1st time is about 12% (guess I'm part of the 12%! I'm coming up on my 1st anniversary!! lol), but the chance of a kid ages 6-12 accepting Christ for the 1st time is at a whopping 87%! Is that not incredible? God really does work miracles. Above all, I just hope that I'll have the strength to be a witness for Christ, that I'll stay strong and know what is His will and what isn't. I just hope that I'm in some way helpful to these kids, and not a hinderance. The more I think about it, I just keep realizing, there's a lot at stake! But the truth is, as much as I love camp, I'm in it for the kids. I would do ANYTHING to give them the kind of experience there that I grew up with. Well, I guess it's all in God's hands now. I'd better head off to bed if I expect to be able to drive tomorrow! ttyl guys! Love you all! You have to update me on everything when I get back, k? But if u need me, just leave a message on my cell and I'll call u back when I get the chance, deal? k, buh-byez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(hey, found this in Insight magazine, thought it was hilarious so figured I'd share. many laughs!)

You Might Be a Seventh-Day Adventist if...

10: Your checks feautre eschatology charts

9: Your key chain is a life-size replica of the Ten Commandments

8: You try to finagle a discount at the gumball machine

7: Haystacks are in your food piramid (yeah baby!!! lol)

6: You've made a special arrangement with Taco Bell to buy a ticket for your Sabbath Chalupa before sundown on Friday

5: You didn't know Davenport was also a sofa

4: You worry about whether it's OK to drink coffee if you're trying to stay awake to study the Bible

3: Your screensaver is a sunset calendar

2: You're waiting for the book Fri-Chick Soup for the Soul to be published

1: You're for the war and against competitive sports

P.S. (Roughly 52% of SDA doctrines are shared by all other conservative Christian faiths, including doctrines about God, Jesus, the Holey Spirit, the Bible, sin, and salvation. Some 39% of SDA fundamental beliefs are shared by at least one other Christian faith, doctrines such as the Sabbath, human will, the Ten Commandments, and immortality. That leaves 9% of SDA doctrines as unique to Adventism.) Now, what do ya'll think about that, hmmm??? lol. *hugs*

ugh. Really crappy and stressful day at work today guys. Trudy's (the lady I work for) grandkids are there now, the girl (11) has been there already for about 2 weeks, and she's okay, I was able to deal with her okay, but now her brother (8) just got here 4th of July and today was my first day with both of them. Oh, gosh. To put it nicely, it was hell. Excuse the language. I think I ranted and raved to my mother after she picked me up for about 15-20 min, there was at least that much to complain about. And yeah, I know I was being whiny, but it was a really bad day. Not just for me, for Mum (the altheimerz [sp??] lady) too. Trudy had warned me that Mum had good bays and bad dads, and bad days were much more likely when the weather isn't all nice and sunny and such, so I've been preparing myself all summer, and thank God this was honestly the first bad day she's had with me there. I'm hopeing it's just stress with the grandkids (they don't seem to adjust well to change), and on top of that, yesterday Trudy said a bird got caught in the house, and it really upset Mum, which I can understand. She loves all animals to death. But anyway, so today was just not anyone's day. I mean, to give you the abreviated version, these kids (mostly the boy, or just the two of them together in general) are just monsters. They tormented me (and each other) all day long, and they tested my patience to no end. You guys know I'm not all that patient anyway, but just, ugh. The boy (Brandon) spits, cusses (he even used the n word! OMG! Luckily, no one was around but the 3 of us, sheesh!), hits, shouts, makes up these stories with no background (I smoke, go to nasty websites on my computer, and when we met last year at a dairy shop I told him he couldn't have a southern accent if he tried. I mean, wth?), runs off, bangs all over the house (sometimes with his basketball), throws things, kicked me right in my bad knee b/c he thought I was lying, pointed a loaded bbgun at my face, almost dropped my laptop, and I caught him going through my purse/bag. I've about had it with him! Jerry (the girl) just annoys me (she talks to the TV/movies, is never found without a pickle in hand, and just makes abstract [and very LOUD] noises all the time! You guys know how much that bugs me. It's like, my one major pet peeve), always yells at Brandon, etc. And the 2 siblings fight CONSTANTLY. I got so frustrated, I just wanted to slap them both and yell "SHUT THE **** UP!!!" (which would NOT have been the right thing to do) I didn't know whether to try to disipate each argument or just let them hash it out on their own. I mean, it is NOT my job to look after them. I'm here for Mum, that's what I get paid for. Trudy really needs to pay me more to watch over these nightmares. I almost feel like Trudy didn't even need me for Mum, she just knew all along that her grandkids were coming and that they were awful and that if she told me I would never have done it. (I know it's not true, but I couldn't help thinking it a couple of times) I mean, I'm hopeing that they were just really pushing me today, and that tomorrow will be better, but I don't even want to go back to work tomorrow, or EVER, as long as they're there. I'd rather be in Mr. Bradley's Algebra II class for the ENTIRE day. Yea, it's THAT bad, I am so not kidding. I've just had it up to HERE with them already. *sigh* And it's really late, I've gotta get up really early tomorrow and the next day, and I got up early today too. H.W. and Dad are down at his businesses in GA until next wed/thu, so Momma has to drop me off before she goes to work, or like today, she had a meeting from 8-9:30, so she dropped me off after that and then went back. But tomorrow she's gotta drop me off at 8:30 and I'll stay till 6:30 (Lord help me, PLEASE!!!), and then Fri I babysit the 2 little kids again, Matthew and Sarah like I did yesterday, from like, 7:30 a.m. until 5. After that on Saturday I've got Special Music at my church! Sheesh. Yea, so that's for letting me vent. If you got down this far and you're still reading this, thax. It means a lot. I'm just so frustrated and tired and just... ugh. Please everyone, pray that God gives me all the patience, wisdom, and Christ-like love He can spare tomorrow while I'm there. I'm really gonna need it. Hope everyone else's day has been a whole heck of a lot better than mine. I'd love to hear about it. Drop me a line. Hugs to all...

Well, I don't know how much I'll be on the next few days. I'm hopeing I'll be able to figure out the internet connection stuff there, but we'll see. I'm working 4 days straight starting tomorrow around 9:30 am. And by straight, I even mean staying the night. Yep. 3 nights and 4 days staying with the Altiemerz (sp?) lady. Thank goodness Trudy is taking the grandkids with her (as well as the 2 dogs, Chewie and Rafiki - which actually I think translates into friend in Swahili, just 4 ur info, lol) on a little camping vacation thing, so if everything works out as planned, this will be my only days at the job without Jerry and Brandon until school in August.

Which brings me to my other topic. You know all of that SCGSAH/MPA decision crap torture stuff I had to mess with in the beginning of the summer? Yea, well, it's coming back to haunt me. Do any of you guys believe in like, divine intervention, or um... a little nudging by u know who? Just wondering what all of you think 'cause I'm kindof stuck wondering. I was given this little card to mail in to the SCGSAH with these little check boxes on it saying, "Yes I will come" or "No I will not", you know, like those notes we used to send in grade school: "Do you like me? Check yes or no and pass it back." lol. And well, I mailed it in with the "No I will not" box checked. But then like, sometime in the next week, I got this info from them in the mail about forms to fill out for the next school year. So I've kinda been like, "Okay, yea, whatev." Thinking that the computer just hasn't all the way processed the info that I'm not going and just printed out all the names/addresses of the people it had already, u know? But well, I keep getting stuff from them. Next came a personalized class schedule, then info on the tour to NYC the music kids get to take in October (going through stuff at Julliard and all those things, including normal NYC sightseeing), after that came school schedules for breaks and things, and now today I got another letter. Guys, now I've got a room assaignment and 2 suitemates. I mean, it's been over a month since I mailed that card, they had to have recieved it by now. I can't help wondering if this is God trying to tell me that I need to go there regardless of everything I previously decided, or if the school is just being really stubborn to not take no for an answer and is hopeing that if they keep throwing all this stuff at me I'll just come when school starts. Any ideas? I really need some help, and some major prayer especially. I thought I'd had this all decided already and I was trying to move on with my life, and something (or maybe Someone) isn't letting me. Do you think that's on purpose, or am I just being paranoid? It was sssssssssssooooooooooo hard for me to make the decision in the first place over a month ago, I don't want to put myself through that all over again. I don't know if I can do that and still come out in one piece. And now I'm even starting to question my motives and reasons for making the decision and just... oh, it hurts just thinking about it. I've got this WICKED headache and my medicine is not working worth anything. Gosh, I'm already so stressed. Anyway, please throw your thoughts at me, I could use the help, in all seriousness. This is all weighing very heavily on me. talk to ya'll later. hugs to all.

Well, lets see, um...

My cats woke me up around like, no joke, 5 a.m. Gosh, I could've killed them. No matter how many pillows and things I threw at them they kept bothering me and I didn't want to get up at all. Finally I threw them in my bathroom, shut that door, locked the next (I've got one door for the actual tub/toliet and another inb/w my room and my sink/vanity or whatev), and jumped back in bed so I couldn't hear them and they couldn't mess with me anymore! Needless to say, I hope they learned their lesson when I let them out around 7ish. heh heh.

So, then I had a Dr.'s Appointment today at 8:45 a.m. to get 4 moles removed. 2 on my neck, one on my stomach, and the other in an undisclosed location. Let's just say I was wearing a skirt and my whitie-tighties!!! (*blushes* ha ha) I'd been through the procedure 2x before in 6th grade, but I was still just a tad nervous b/c it'd been so long and I'm not all that fond of needles. I've had some bad experiences with them growing up, through at surgury at 8, 4 permanent teeth removed at 10 (did anyone else realize that you had enough gum for those really extra LONG needles to go into? I mean, MY GOSH!!!), same with my wisdom teeth and other dentist stuff (I've had a few cavities throughout my years unfortunatly, but H hasn't! The shkank! [sp?]), then of course the mole and shots/vaccinations we've all had... so yea, I'm sure that all weighed in on my uneasy scale factor. But obviously, I came through it ok. They said none of them looked cancerous really, except one did look a little weird, but still not cancerous, so I guess that's good. Otherwise I'm just a bit sore in those places. Now it's more annoying than painful or anything. But I know in a few days/weeks I'll hardly remember they were there at all, being the old pro at this procedure that I am... lol. I'm just hopeing that none of them will come back and have to be removed a 2nd/3rd time like my other one did.

After getting back I really just lazed around, watched some more Alias DVD's and such. I did take a little nap in the afternoon b/c I didn't feel all that well, but I'm fine now. No big deal. I think I was just tired. Then tonight I called Jason (from Prayer Conference) and had a nice long talk with him about stuff. It's been awhile since I've heard from him, so it was great to talk with him and things.

I'm working @ Trudy's tomorrow and friday, but I have the weekend off, so I'm looking forward to that. Then Mon-Wed the next week I'm babysitting Matthew and Sarah, and after that the whole family is heading off to take H up to CUC in Washington, D.C. I can't wait! I'm almost rid of him! HURRAY!!!! HALELUJAH!!!! lol. Need I say more? 0:-)

So, guess that's about all. Love to hear from everybody and anybody. Shout-outs welcome! lol. ttyl. Off to bed now! Bye!

Hey guys, sorry I haven't written in forever. Things have just been so crazy with H going to school, and then me going to school, and having PreCal hasn't helped. I've also started taking bassoon and piano lessons again, and I'm looking for a violin teacher and... yeah. But, the thing on my mind at the moment:

Well, I've got this friend named Eddie that I've known for about 3 or 4 years, we met at summer camp, and he just started coming to my school this year. He's a year younger than me, so he's a Sophmore, and he's been hanging around me a lot it seems. Maybe not. I'm not sure. He always meets me at work about 10-15 min. before lunch, he eats lunch with me, he's in band/orchestra/choir with me (he also tried out for Drama with me, but didn't make it like I did), and he's even walked me home 2x. Well, he's walked me as far as he can go since he's a dorm student and can't go too far off campus, but anyway. And so, the other day it was Senior picture day and I was helping one of my friends, Nichole, get changed into that mock dress shirt thing. Eddie had been helping me get things organized for band/orchestra that afternoon, and she asked me if Eddie and I were going out. I said no, we were just friends, and then mentioned the conversation to Eddie a little later. I was laughing a little, but as soon as I said it I realized I shouldn't have. He looked so hurt! It dawned on me that he probably liked me as more than a friend! I felt so stupid. How could I not have seen it? I dropped it and immediatly switched topics, but he brought it up the next day before lunch. He said that he did like me a lot and he'd probably try to ask me out during the year, and that he was kind of hoping we could go to Junior/Senior together next year. I was so surprisingly dumbstruck startled! I didn't know what to say, and I could tell he was kind of uncomfortable, so I ended up not saying anything about it and we just went on up to lunch. When I told one of my friends about it, she said I was such a dope. But I didn't want to hurt his feelings! I've never been good at this guy/girl stuff, I mean, my first crush was when I was 9, and I've only had one since! In fact, that's the one I'm on right now, and the guy doesn't go to school here, but he's really sweet and I'm kind of hoping... I don't like Eddie like that, and I don't know how to tell him that without really hurting him and destroying our friendship. I don't want to do that at all. Right now I think I'm just not going to do anything and see how it rides out. *sigh* So complicated! I've had "guy problems" with like, Anthony before, but that was just b/c he told the whole school we were going out when we weren't and he followed me around like a love-sick puppy (no offence Anthony, you know it's true! lol. lylab), but this situation is really different. I never thought I'd get into a situation like this! I figure by not showing an interest, and letting everyone know that I don't plan on ever getting married or dating or whatever would just scratch out my having to deal with stuff like this. Guess not. Dang. If anyone has advice, God do I need it. Hope everyone else is doing well. Hugs to all...

Well, because of stupid Hurricane Rita our whole school had to come back from Waveland, Mississippi (where we've been working at a distribution center all this past week) late last night. It was one of the hardest hit areas in Mississippi. It's about 25-30 miles from New Orleans, and it's right on the coast. It's really horrible down there, and I promise I'll write more when I'm less tired. But let me just say this, as cliche as it sounds, TV, pictures, newsreels, internet, you name it, none of that stuff gives the situation any justice. I thought I'd seen it all... and then all of the sudden I was in the thick and thin of it and I can now honestly say, I hadn't seen anything whatsoever. They need so much.... now that I'm gone I'm realizing how much I liked the place and all the hard work regardless of the circumstances. I wish there was more I can do. I mean, it's not like I can go back on my own, but I almost feel guilty that prayer is the only thing I have left now to offer them (though I've been sending that all along, don't get me wrong, lol). I guess that's not a bad thing to give anytime, but it still just doesn't feel like enough. Have to leave it up to God for right now I guess.

Also, I just got a call tonight from the mother of one of my best friends, Mariah. She's literally like my little sister, (she's 14) I love her to death. Anyway, and her mom said they'd been in the hospital for about 4 hrs and she was about to go into surgery because they're worried her appendix ruptured. I'm really worried about her. Her mom said she was really scared and in a lot of pain. So if you all could just please pray for her. I'm hoping to hear from them tomorrow to see how it went. But until then, I'm stuck with all my worry and pain. The world just doesn't stop throwing punches... I'm worried I won't be able to stand anymore...

Okay, so I totally stole this from semiomniscient but I just thought it was absolutly hilarious. Plus, please don't take this as my being prejudice, I just thought everyone deserved a laugh! (Oh, and I promise I'll write more about my trip later! Kisses! *muah*)

Things I have learned from watching the news on TV during the last couple of weeks:

The hurricane only hit black family's property.

New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the hurricane.

Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down.

New Orleans has no white people.

The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident.

When you are hungry after a hurricane, steal a big screen TV.

The hurricane did 200 billion dollars in improvements to New Orleans:
now the city is welfare, looter and gang free and they are in your city.

White folks don't make good news stories.



Don't give thanks to the thousands that came to help rescue you, Instead bitch because the government hasn't given you a debit card yet.



Only black family members got separated in the hurricane rescue efforts.

Ignore warnings to evacuate and the white folks will come get you and
give you money for being stupid.

Hey all,

Yes, I know it's a day late. But Happy Thanksgiving to everybody! Right now I'm just trying to get rid of a cold, sleeping (when not to/from my grandparents where I've been Wed-Thur), and watching movies. Hope everyone's having a nice break. See you Tuesday!

P.S. And thoughts on my new blog design? I really like it. Oh, and thanks to Esther, who I stole the header picture from. *kisses!*

Got this from arabgirl16 /heavenwantsme 

If you had me alone...locked up in your room for twenty-four hours & I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you do with me? Post this on your blog. You might get some interesting answers and maybe some you just didn't expect.

Merry Christmas Ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope everyone's having a great holiday. I miss ya'll so much!

And yes, I'm at my grandparents in GA, so if anyone wants to laugh over my REAL southern accent (Not, I repeat, NOT the one I get when I'm tired and TORMENTED TO NO END!!!!! [Ben/Jason *cough cough*]) go ahead and call me on my cell or at my grandparents. I don't know if some of you have that number or not.

Anyways, love to all ya'll and can't wait to see you (though I can wait while for another class, that's for sure!)

ugh. I am sick and I don't know why! I just woke up yesterday morning and there it was: stuffy/drainy nose, sore throat, cough...

I've been taking 3 different medicines since yesterday, one is perscription even, and I'm not getting much better. I got extra sleep too! Well, at least 9 hrs, which is extra for me, lol.

I don't feel that awful, it just that I have a 4 hr Orchestra Rehearsal today, the same tomorrow, and then tomorrow night at 7 is the concert. I don't know about any of you, but ever tried playing a wind instrument when you could barely breathe without hacking out a cough? Yeah, it's really hard. *sigh* Pray that I get better really fast, k? Love you guys.

OMG!!!! Sssooo many good things have happened today!!! I want to tell you guys everything because I'm just feeling great right now, but I just got back and I'm absolutly exausted (it's been a very long day and it's late) and my dad's about to shut off the internet. But I just wanted to spread the joy around to all of you! I promise I'll update either after church tomorrow or Sunday, k? Love you all!

Okay, so here's my update on why I was so happy friday night! As promised, lol.

Well, I'm still sick, but I managed to make it through the orchestra rehearsals and concert better than expected, so that was nice. Also, everyone I talked to couldn't tell I'd screwed up my solo, so that was fabulous! lol. I don't know what happened exactly. My fingers just got all gumbly and I turned the solo of mostly fast 16th notes into a pile of gloop. lol. The bassoon I was using wasn't mine, but I'm not sure that was the problem.

You see, I mailed my bassoon off to this great fix-it guy in Indiana over 3 weeks ago, the week my orchestra let off for break actually. I figured, "Okay, he'll replace a few pads and do a few adjustments, spend like, 2 hrs on it max, and then mail it back in plent of time for the rehearsal on the 29th." Right? Wrong! lol. We called him on Tuesday of last week to make sure he'd mailed it and he's like, "I could mail it out tomorrow. It sounds great now. I spent 10 hrs working on it. That'll be $600 please, oh, and we don't take credit cards." I'm like, WHAT??? Turns out he entirely replaced my whisper key, a ton of pads, and did a bunch of other stuff to it. Considering I thought it sounded just fine when we'd sent it off, I can't imagine what it's going to sound like when I get it back! Golly, it's gonna sound fantastic!

But yeah, so anyway, I had to ask my friend if I could borrow her bassoon, and thank goodness her parents said it was okay. Her name's Brittany, she's the principal bassoonist of the RO (the orchestra below mine, it's mostly got middle schoolers and less advanced highschoolers than those in my group). So I picked up her bassoon wednesday so I could practice on it a little before the rehearsal thursday. Needless to say, it's not as good as mine, though better than anything we could've rented, so I was greatful. I noticed quite a few things though, so I made sure to have a little heart-to-heart with her when I gave it back! I didn't know all those things when I was her age either, but it's still stuff she needs to know, so even though I felt a little bad naming this whole list of things, I knew she'd be better off learning it all now, and I tried my hardest not to sound upitty or rude or anything so she wouldn't take it too hard. lol.

This is my orchestra's 50th anniversary, so this last concert was really special. It was our alumni concert. We had over 100 alumni come back to play this concert with us. When you add that to the about 70 (+?) regular CYS members, we had over 170 people playing onstage at one time. Good thing the concert was at the Peace Center! Because let me tell you, dress rehearsal in McAlister at Furman was killer. We were so squashed and everyone was sweating. It was gross.

2 bassoon alumni's came back. Barry somebody with me on 1st, and Rebecca somebody (I'm not good with last names, lol) with Caroline on 2nd. Rebecca plays worse than Caroline and I combined. Brittany could probably match her if not pass her. But Rebecca hadn't played since college, and her reeds were horrid! I don't understand how she could play on them. Caroline and I talked about it and decided to give her one of our reeds to try to make her sound better (it worked a little, lol, better than nothing, right?). Hopefully she didn't take offense, we didn't mean anything by it really. But Barry, omg, Barry is really good. He's a college professor at the University of Wisconsin. He's a lot older than Rebecca too, played with the group back in the 70s. He was really nice to me too. Didn't take away any of the solos, we doubled everything (current CYS members played 5 songs on our own before intermission, and then the whole group played 4 more. Yeah, you counted right. That's a total of 9 songs.). It was great. He said I could contact him if I ever needed anything or had any questions and he also said I was an excellent player for my age. *blush*

But yeah, so it's taken me a long time to get to the point. After the concert there was a nice reception, and a time when people could say things to any of the 3 conductors (Dr. Robert Cheesbro conducted the orchestra for 25 years before H and I joined. Mr. Kilgus has been directing the RO for 11? years. I played under him for 3 - 2 on violin, 1 on bassoon - and Dr. Hicken has been conducting the CYS for about 7 years I think.). Well, I wasn't going to go up front and say anything because it was mostly for alumni to tell stories about Cheesbro (none of the more recent players really like him. A few years ago we nicknamed him Dr. Cheeseburger, but I wasn't exactly privvy to that, so you'd have to ask H for all the details, but trust me, he'd be delighted to tell you), but I did have things I wanted to say to Mr. Kilgus and Dr. Hicken so I talked to them later on during the evening.

I thanked Dr. Hicken for always helping me to aspire to be the musician I want to be and know I can be. He was very sweet and congratulating me and saying lots of nice things. Then I thanked Mr. Kilgus b/c honestly, if he hadn't asked me to consider playing the bassoon, I highly doubt I would've ever played it. He was also very nice. He told me that I just looked like a bassoonist, that it is really my thing. He said, "Yeah, the directors and I were talking about you during one of the rehearsals and everyone commented on how much you've advanced. We all agree you're doing very well and we've all been surprised at the incredible progress you've made." Then he looked me in the eye and said very seriously, "Brandy, I see nothing but great things in your future." OMG. I about melted into a puddle on the floor, I was so overwhelmed by pleasant feelings. I know I was blushing as I said thank you.

Later I went back to ask Dr. Hicken if he would be willing to listen to me play the piano concerto once it gets closer to competition time, and he said he'd be delighted! Then H came up to talk to him and I stayed around because we were about to leave and I thought H was just going to say something about the concert when instead he boasts, "Yeah, my sister's doing great! She's got those solos down, don't you think?" And Dr. Hicken went, "Oh definatly. A invaluable contribution to the orchestra. Great job Brandy." omg, I about fainted of embarrassement. I mean, that was really nice of him to say, and I'm fine if H wants to brag every now and then, but not when I'm standing right there! I don't want Dr. Hicken to think that I'm out fishing for compliments or something.

Anyway, so I was just totally high and in good spirits once we got home, as you can see why, so I wanted to share it with you guys. All of this has just got me to thinking that maybe there really is something in my future with this bassoon. I mean, something big. Maybe? I mean, there's gotta be a shot if all these professionals and saying these things about me. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just seriously thinking about what I need to do to take it to the next level, you know? And I've got something I'm working on, but I don't know how it'll work out so I don't want to let everyone know until some things get figured out, but if it does, it'll be big, so I want everyone to pray for me, ok?

Love to all. And if you actually got this far down into the update, congrats! My utmost thanks for dealing with all my music rants, albeit good rants. lol.

astrological sign: DO NOT ENTER.  lol. j/k, it's Taurus

how many languages do you know: 1 and some Spanish 
nationality: US
piercings you have: none
piercings you want: my ears, I used to want my eyebrow pierced b/c my older cousin Kristin pierced hers, but now I'm thinking not. lol. Possibly my belly button? idk.

favorite//

number: 7 or 11 or 68854
clothing brand: anything orange and comfy. Like, noboundaries has some good orange stuff usually, hee hee

shoes: whatever I want

saying: It wasn't me, the voices told me to! 

tv show: ALIAS!!! *tear* this is the last season!!!

sport: volleyball and soccer, though I'm not very good at it

vegetable: corn on the cob or mashed potatoes

fruit: pinapple (I know, shocker! It's not oranges, they're my 4th fave after raspberries and strawberries. Hope I didn't burst you're bubble too much! lol) 

candy: Tropical Skittles and Reese's 
gum: cotton candy bubblegun or citrus something

scent: lavendar or rose (what 2 of my late grandmother's always smelled like)

season: summer

holiday: idk. Halloween maybe? I lurve candy. lol 

thing in your room: my computer, hee hee. I'm an internet junkie

junk food: Orvile Redenbaucher's Sweet N' Buttery Popcorn and Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies
overall food: french chicken, or Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwiches, lol 
shape: star or astrik 
time of day: 11:11 am/pm
country: idk. Ireland? I've never been there. So maybe Mexico? I loved Cozumel... idk 

state: GA, I've always been a Georgia Peach baby! 
boy's name: Adriel or Colton or Rylan or Ephraim, idk. lol. 

girl's name: Kirith Ann Lindsey, Katya Liri 
disney character: Ariel or Flit and Meeko! I loved Flit. Pochohantas' humming bird and raccoon?
scary movie: um... I haven't seen that many, but the most recent one I've seen was either Taking Lives (a thriller technically) and When A Stranger Calls (a suspence really), so idk.

have you ever//

actually seen your crush naked: no, I wouldn't want to. Now with his shirt off? That would be okay... lol

been in love: nope
cried when someone died: no, though I've felt like it
drank alcohol: does wine count? I've had some Brandy for the heck of it, lol. It was gross. 
lied: what, me? Lie? Come on... ;-P  
stolen a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: considering I've never had a boyfriend, um... no 

lied to the police: I don't think so... 
ran from the police: no
lied to your parents: yup
walked up to a stranger and kissed them: definatly no
walked out of a restaurant without paying: no, but I've thought about it... lol 
flashed someone: no
stolen anything: I used to all the time when I was like, 10 and 11, but I don't really do it now. Well, except the other day... 0:-)
kicked someone's ass: my brother's, and Jazz's (Anthony's bro), heck, I've probably kicked Anthony's ass too 
broken a beer bottle: yeah, and it sure was fun! Didn't smell too good though... 
gotten into a bar, under-aged: nope
kissed someone of the same sex: no, though if I was in a movie or play or something I could see myself doing it (No, I'm not lesbo, but that's part of acting, if you're good, you can do anything)
gone on a road trip: with a bunch of cousins and my grandparents when I was like, 7. lol 
been to a concert: yes, I've been in a BUNCH too, though not rock concerts or anything, I've been playing in orchestras since I was 9 yrs old. 
been to another country: Yes!!! Canada, Bahamas 2x, and Cozumel, Mexico. Weehee!!! 
talked back to an adult: rarely, though my mom seems to think I do

gotten in a car accident: I wasn't driving, I was like 11, but yeah. It was really scary and I didn't want to get in a car again. My parents even thought about sending me to a psychologist, lol 
broken a law: a couple... I used to steal things, remember?

given money to a homeless person: no, but I have bought them food or clothes or stuff, and I've given some a Bible
tried to kill yourself: twice, but obviously I'm still here, and I'm okay for now! lol 
cried to get out of trouble: no, I'm normally not in a situation where crying will make anything better. When I was little making a fuss out of stuff normally got you hit more, so I tried not to cry at all 
kissed a friend's brother or sister: gross, no, I haven't kissed anybody
kissed a brother or sister's friend: no, didn't I just tell you I haven't kissed anybody?
dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways?: yup, and I've eaten it too. What's wrong with that? Screw the 5 sec. rule, my rule is if I see it drop, it's fine. Pick off the hairs and go... lol 

yes or no//

are you a vegetarian?: kinda? I eat chicken and turkey, but that's it
are you a bitch?: not really, though I think like one (if you read my journal you'd probably think so! lol)

are you artistic?: musically, and for writing and drama, yea, I like to think so
are you a fast runner?: I'm a fast sprinter, but I can't do endurance worth anything

can you ski?: I've only snowboarded, so idk
are you fat?: I don't know...
are you short?: definatly not
are you tall?: well if I'm not short don't I kinda have to be tall? I'm like, 5' 8" or 5' 9", something like that

did you ever touch someone else's private parts?: um... I've had to change a lot of baby diapers while babysitting, that doesn't really count, does it?

So I just found out that *gulp* I'm not going to be working at camp this year.

I'm too upset to even think about it. I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm let down, I'm angry, I'm confused, I'm... overwhelmed.

What am I going to do? I've been wanting to do this all my life, and the past two summers I've been turned down. I haven't made ANY other summer plans. I've worked so hard for this, wanted it SOOO much.

All I feel like doing is crawling up in a ball and crying. In fact, my hands are already shaking... *tear*

Six weird facts/ things/ habits about yourself

So...

Break has NOT gone as expected. Wednesday instead of heading straight home, had to wait until 9:15 pm when orchestra rehearsal got out, then made the 2 1/2 hr trip home. Boy did I go right to sleep after taking care of Star. lol.

Thursday I slept in, watched ER, lazed around, then went to the movies with Anthony. We were going to see V for Vendetta, but wouldn't you know, this annoying guy actually asked for ID's. grrrr. NONE of my friends get carded, and the one time I actually try to get in one, I get busted. And Anthony's actually 17 (I will be in 2 weeks and 1 day), but doesn't have a license. Sucks. But anyway, so we ended up watched Ice Age 2: Meltdown. Not worth the $7.25 we paid for the ticket,  but it was funny enough to be worth it. lol. Especially since I've only seen the 1st one in Spanish. Talk about cool. I love that squirrel! lol.

Friday I got up early, had a bassoon lesson at Furman from 10-11:15am, then rushed down almost to the GA border to babysit Matthew and Sarah from 12:20-7pm. Matthew is almost exactly the same as I remember him except that he's pottytrained - hallelujah - (I haven't watched them since about last October, lol), but Sarah? OMW!!! SSSOOO different! She's probably a foot taller, is talking more fluently and coherently than Matthew (though boys tend to take longer in that area, plus Matthew was born premature by a month and has had multiple problems), and can do so many more things! I'm so happy that she still gets rocked to sleep though, because I loved doing that. lol. She's so sweet! But let me tell you, even with getting up to take care of the kitty, I slept really well that night! heh heh

Today, went to church, brought the kitty since she has to eat every 3-4 hrs, and the sabbath school teacher, after going through a few verses, was like, "Well the lesson is stupid. We're supposed to spend a whole week on 'Does God exist?' and I figure since you all have grown up in the church," (there was only three of us and his wife, lol) "if you didn't know He existed by now, I wouldn't be able to convince you otherwise, so instead of doing the lesson I thought we'd um..." He was looking really uncomfortable, like he hadn't actually planned for this, and so me, being always the person I am, blurted the first thing to pop into my head, "Let's play Charades!!!" and he looked so relieved that I'd come up with something that I just had to laugh! lol. So we played Charades, and he and his wife (Mr. and Mrs. Burgan), Danielle, and I ended up doing a Charade for Children's Story (it was really funny! I got to be Esau, Danielle was Jacob, Mr. Burgan was Issac and Mrs. Burgan was Rebekah, and we did the story of Jacob stealing the blessing, so Danielle got to be all pompus and Mr. Burgan was blind, and I got to get really angry and storm after Danielle in a rage! lol. I actually chased her out of the sanctuary, it was so funny!).

Then after church I went to feed Star, and suddenly three little girls show up and everyone's hands are on my kitty and this little like, 4 yr old keeps BEGGING to hold the kitten and is practically swallowing up Star in her hands, and I'm thinking, "NO ONE IS HOLDING MY BABY!" so I finally have to put her in her cage in another room because she's getting too much stimulation and won't eat. Danielle ends up coming home with me out of sheer bordom for both parties. We watched a movie, went running in the rain outside, explored the woods/creek by my house, then had supper.

Star has been having problems (sorry, there's no way to put it delicately) going #2, and having it been at least a day if not 2, that's really bad, can kill a little baby - kitten or human or whatever - so Dad, Danielle and I take Star to a emergency animal clinic in Greenville. We're there for over 2 hrs, but the vet gets about a pinky finger's worth of crap (literally! lol) out of her, injects fluids under her skin, and fed her some medicine (a job which I have to carry on every 8 hrs), and after everyone in the hospital commenting on what a good pair of lungs she has (Star cried the ENTIRE time we were there. Oh, my heart was breaking! My baby! lol), we finally left with my dad complaining about the $118 lighter he is (an amount I have to pay back unfortunatly). But so after all that excitement, we're all here at home and Danielle and I are about to watch Chronicles of Narnia. So I'm gonna head out. But everyone please pray for Star! She's not in the clear yet, though certainly better. Goodnight, er... morning!

ALIAS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all I have to say for the moment while I wallow in my pathetic grief...

1. Have you had more than 2 different boyfriends/girlfriends?

uh, yeah, no! This is me ur talking about, remember?

2. Have you had your birthday?

nope

3. Been to church?

most certainly

4. Cried?

not that I remember

5. Did someone close to you pass away?

relatively close, yes, unfortunatly

6. Stayed up all night?

hell yeah

7. Drank starbucks?

no. haven’t even had coffee since um… hmm… May if not earlier (I know ur disappointed Squishy, sry, lol)

8. Went shopping?

of course! I was out of the country for a month, hello!

9. Went camping?

If you count being in Fiji as camping, or all 5 of us girls crammed into the tiny living room on the boat in Charleston for 9 days, heh heh

10. Been to the beach?

a few times. Been to the ocean way more than the beach though

11. Bought anything over $200?

yes, actually, b/c my MP3 player either got lost or stolen somewhere in Fiji b/w Taveuni, VatuVonu, and Rabi, so when I got back I had to buy another one for $250. Made me mad, but I was totally about to DIE from lack of music, seriously, it’s like, my life.

12. Met someone new?

oh, WAY more than just one. Probably closer to 100

13. Been out of state?

out of state? Heck, try out of the country! Twice!

14. Gone Snowboarding?

no, though I probably could’ve in Sydney seeing as how it was winter over on that side of the continent

15. Slept in someone else's bed?

many, many other people’s (and take that however you want because you know what I mean regardless, traveling, hello? *grin*)

16. Snuck someone over?

nope

17. Snuck out of your own house?

yep

18. Been to a bar?

no. Didn’t see any in Fiji, and I unfortunately had to leave before At Suka (Japanese girl in the house where I was staying) could get me into one in Sydney. She was gonna teach me how to dance. lol

19. Lied?

more than I would’ve liked, but desperate times call for desperate measures

20. Gotten a car?

ha. I wish.

21. Gone over your cell phone bill?

defiantly not, seeing as how I was out of the country for over a month.

23. Drove somewhere?

yep. In Fiji in fact! That was fun. Heh heh. Wrong side of the road (actually there’s only one side of the road in Fiji: topside ;-P) but still fun. (where did 22 go?) 

24. Done something you regret?

YES

25. Last thing you bought?

 a CD, hair dye, a watch, and some Reece’s (went to wal-mart, lol)

26. Last person you hugged?

does my kitten Star count?

27. Last person to text you?

probably Chris

28. When was the last time you felt stupid?

all the time. Duh. lol

29. Who was the last person who you watched a movie with?

The gang up in Charleston – A.K.A. Noelle, Esther, Kari, and Nikki

30. Who makes you smile the most?

recently? Noee “Squishy!”

31. What did you do today?

cleaned most of my closet out (hey it’s a REALLY big job!) and practiced piano

32. Song that's stuck in your head right now?

Bad Day by Daniel Powter

Hey all,

Number 1, pray for me please b/c I have an interview @ a college up in Asheville since I'm trying to take a Spanish class there this year, then 2 Dr.'s appointments in Greenville. And number 2, then (yes, in the same day) I will be traveling to Norway, SC to spend Monday night (late) until Friday (afternoon) with my greatgrandmother, Motney. I'm probably going to be really bored, but she's really lonely, having lost 2 husband's and a son and her sister (sister is most recent, her 1st husband and son died in WWII and her 2nd husband died a few years ago after a stroke), and she lives by herself. She's a real sweety though and I promised I'd come visit her this summer. My grandmother (her oldest daughter) and her husband always treat Motney horribly, like she's an imbisule and my grandmother (who I spent not this weekend but last weekend with) was telling me that Motney won't last till Christmas (which I think is bs but...). I mean, ok, so she is a little old, but she's not helpless! She's still in good health, albiet a little forgetful (but not like, alheimer's -sp?- forgetfull, just, old people forgetful), and a fully competent human being! It just makes me mad how they treat her. Anyway, so that was way more than I was planning on telling everyone, but thanks for the rant. ;-p

I love and miss you all so much! Hope to see you all soon! Call me sometime! Hugs and kisses!!!

P.S. *GAG* Can you believe school starts next Monday??? (not tomorrow, but still! WHERE HAS MY SUMMER GONE DAMMIT!!! lol)

 In life we often find many things annoying, but if we looked closer we'd instead see some of life's little miracles. I know it's different than most of my others, but I just got thinking about it and POOF! there was this poem. Tell me what you think!

Annoyances? Think Again.

by ORANGEE

A newborn's wail,

Means her lungs are working.

A toddler's tears,

Mean his nerves still feel.

A child's "Why?",

Means she's using her brain to discover her world.

Constant tattling,

Means he's learning control and compromise.

Kids fighting one minute and hugging the next,

Means they're learning how to interact with people.

An obsession with pink unicorns or toy trucks,

Means they're accessing themselves.

A preteen rolling her eyes and sighing,

Means she's being smart and biting her tongue,

A teen's attitude,

Means he's becoming his own person.

An argumentative personality,

Means they have an innate sense of fairness.

A youth's sarcastic wit,

Means she understands irregularity.

A debating college student,

Is setting his own morals and boundaries.

A 24yr old moving from city to city,

Is finding her place in the business world.

A 28yr old working constantly,

Is saving himself for that special someone.

A 32yr old avoiding home,

Is worried about starting her own family.

A 36yr old with too many wallet pictures,

Has just discovered the joy of a new life.

A 40yr old experiencing a minor breakdown,

Is relearning how to deal with stress effectively.

A 44yr old penny pincher,

Is preparing for retirement.

A 48yr old protective parent,

Is struggling to let their child be independent.

A 52yr old that's clingy,

Doesn't want to start over with an empty house.

A 62yr old spoiling the grandkids,

Teaches them about the sweet things in life.

A 72yr old arguing about nursing homes,

Still feels confidant and loves life.

An 82yr old reminiscing constantly,

Is keeping her mind agile.

A 92yr old holding his breath,

Wants to stay for just one more day and love once more…

Oh, The Stories You Told

by Orangee

------------------------------------------------------------------

You always told such good stories.

If I close my eyes now,

I remember the excitement,

The movie playing out in my mind.

I can still feel the warmth of your words,

I can still breathe them in deep.

------------------------------------------------------------------

You told stories of time,

Full of wonder and beauty.

Lovely fulfilling stories

Of Compassion and Forgiveness,

Friendship and Romance,

Growth and Acceptance,

Stories of love.

You controlled it all in your hands,

Painting a world beneath your fingertips:

A world of peace and happiness

Where all girls were Princesses

And all boys were Princes.

Everyone was loved and respected

And all obstacles were overcome.

Not always with ease as if they were mere trifles,

But by the goodness of the human spirit.

The rules were few and uncomplicated.
In the end, the good guy always won

And the bad guy became good.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I listened to you as

Your words danced across my skin

And I gave into your voice,

Feeling the words settle deep in my heart.

You made me believe

In the world you created,

Laying it down before my eyes

For me to fill myself up with.

But instead of making me full,

They have choked me and left me

EMPTY.

------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn’t tell me the true stories.

The stories of shattered lives:

Of Fear and Pain,

Heartache and Loss,

Anger and Revenge,

Confinement and Denial,

Stories of hate.

A world of war and sadness:

Where all girls are used,

And all boys are toys.

Everyone is seen as enemies and destroyed.

All obstacles never budge

And are not overcome by the pure of heart,

But by those with the power

To trample and control the weak.

The rules are numerous and undefined.

And in the end,

Nobody wins.
We all just die alone.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I look around me now

At the disaster your storm has left behind.

You have made me broken and alone.

Your words do not sustain me anymore

And I realize now they never did.

Neither do I still put any faith in them.

But oh, the stories you told…

 Okay, so I've been an absolute HORRIBLE blogger as of late. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean I've had tons of stuff to update on since this summer but I just haven't and... idk. I apologize. It's like, even though everything's been going on and it's been crazy, nothing really mattered? Or not so much that I wanted to think about it and dedicated time to writing about it. I haven't even been journaling much recently. It's been a hard few months, but still, no worse than normal I suppose. I don't know if that's supposed to make me feel better or worse. :-P

Anyway, so how was everybody's Christmas? Mine was okay. Went pretty much how it always does. We opened family presents on Sat night (23rd), which actually was a rarity. But we spent Sunday down at my grandparents in GA with the extended fam (YUM for bbq chicken!!! lol) and then went to my greatgrandmother's in Norway, SC on Monday. That was ok. I don't really know many people from that side of the family, so it was kinda weird. Plus, over Thanksgiving we gave Motney (my g-grandma) copies of my Senior pictures and she had all 5 (yes, FIVE) set up in a prominent place on the kitchen counter. So it was a little strange for everyone (that I don't know) to be like, "Oh, you're the girl from the pictures..." lol and having to see myself every time I went in there to get something. But oh well. No harm done I suppose.

We got home late Monday night. I had a dentist appointment Wed and we had family pictures done yesterday afternoon (joy, I looked like crap as usual, *gag* but I've got some new stuff I'm trying on my face that'll hopefully clear things up a bit *crossing fingers*). It was actually really funny because H.W. kept having problems taking pictures for some reason (whereas I only had to have mine taken once and I was done, heh heh, I'm the model in the family - not to be conceited, I'm serious! I've always taken good pictures, even when I was little and a modeling agency actually wanted to put me to work when I was a sophomore but I choose my music over a modeling career - for the moment anyway, lol, anyone want my autograph? j/k) and the 20yr old girl taking the pictures (who made sure I knew she was 20) was totally flirting with him. lol.

Other than that not much unusual has been going on. Family crap as always, but I'm used to that. It hasn't been as bad as normal, so I've managed to escape from most of it (except when I kinda went to this movie I wasn't supposed to go to last Friday... *cough cough*). Basically I've been getting up to watch ER from 10-12, practiced instruments (I got an electric violin + amp for christmas, can anyone say cool? lol) and been on the computer until 4 when I watch Melrose Place (don't laugh, it's a good show as long as they've got Amanda in it, she's played by Heather Locklear). Then I do some more average things you do on break until after supper when I watch Alias until bedtime at 12 and usually get to bed about 2ish. lol. And don't start lecturing me about being unproductive. I haven't been able to relax like this (yes, this is relaxing for me) in years, so I deserve to be a little lazy for... *calculate* 4 more days.

I'm not counting tomorrow in that figuring because I have church and then ice skating with the youth that night. Fun fun! I'm actually really excited. I haven't gone ice skating since this summer in Australia (their winter) and I really liked it. I'm just hoping it doesn't hurt my toe very much. I broke that in July, as Squishy and everyone well remembers. It's supposed to be "healed" by now but something's wrong with it. It won't bend at all. I've got to set up another appointment with the podiatrist. They might actually have to break it again and/or put me in physical therapy. YAY!!! *sarcasm*

Anyway, so after this very long unimportant rambling about useless crap you didn't want to know, I'll leave you fellow bloggers be. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and I'd love to hear from you all! tty again in another 5 or 6 months when I decided to update. lol

The Obituary of Common Sense...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies: Don't spend more than you can earn; and reliable strategies: Adults, not children, are in charge.

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place -- Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as The Ten Commandments became contraband; Churches became businesses; and Criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by His parents, Truth and Trust; His wife, Discretion; His daughter, Responsibility; and His son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Blognapped from addicted2pjs 

So... I'm in FL with all 15 of my relatives (on 1 side) and besides the fact that I didn't want to come (I wasn't supposed to be able to, but I managed to get off work, which also hasn't been going so well as of late... only 1 more week to go @ least!) now I'm stuck here with my brother too! He was in Berlin on work stuff and wasn't supposed to have this week off but suddenly he did and my parents up and bought him a ticket to FL!!!  I was trying to talk my mom into leaving in time so I could go to my friends slumber party friday night - friends that I haven't seen in months and won't be seeing like, ever come school time and I miss them so much!!! - and I almost had her, but now with H.W. here there's no way we're leaving before Saturday. It really sucks. He controled so much of my life before and now that I've had awhile without him that hasn't been the case and I've LIKED it, so suddenly being restricted again just because he's around has put me in a sour mood.

But... on to other things. So I've been riding some rollercoasters with my dad (much easier to do with 2 rather than the 3 it will b/c b/c of H.W.) but today I did something extra special that I've been waiting awhile to do. Are you ready?

I GOT MY EARS PIERCED!!!

yaaaaaaay!!!!!! Exciting. They're 3mm white gold Cubic Zirconiums or howev u spell it. They're really pretty and they match the white gold cross necklace that I've always worn since I got it on my b-day this year. It has 5 real diamonds in the middle though, instead of CZ, but it doesn't really matter much.

My parents haven't really said anything, although I know they're not particularly happy. I kept telling my mom that she has hers done so it's no fair that I couldn't, but she just kept saying "Yeah, and I was 25, out of the house, working and paying my own bills!" Well, ya know what? I paid for it myself and I just don't care. My brother was seething that I got it done, but I certainly don't care a bit about what he thinks. I've been wanting to do this for awhile, but stupid academy wouldn't let me. Technically I have 1 more week of work, and work doesn't allow jewlery, but Pastor Buz is just going to have to get over it if he wants me to work my last week, b/c it's a bit too late. lol

So anyway, I could use some lovin from my homies!!! lol. I miss all of you terribly. Thanks for listening to my slight rant. ttyl.

~ORANGEE